So... I got drunk last night...went out and had a good old time. I've been so depressed. I was convinced that I would never see any significant weight loss past the same five pounds that I go up and down. I drank and danced the night away. I woke up this morning...and I was 241 Pounds! Seriously! Ok. I didn't eat much yesterday, I know that, but dang. I danced a little, enough that my knees hurt (I'm getting too old for this shit). But I'm officially down nine pounds! Yes! Ok, so the logic in me says "hey, your dumb ass is just dehydrated! You lost water weight! It don't count!". But you know what I don't care. Its just what I needed to see when I needed to see it. I can do this. Ok granted I'm 11 pounds behind in from where I should be at the end of month two but if I can just keep going.
Last week I was all so motivated. I bought a new ball to do my sit ups on and a new work out tape by the guys on the Biggest Loser. I did the new work out tape. I did an old work out tape for the ball and the next day I hurt so bad! Why? Why does it have to hurt so bad? I was so messed up I couldn't work out for a couple days and then I didn't want to work out because it hurt so bad. Today I'm hung over but tomorrow is a new day...again. LOL. I really want to do this
All I had yesterday was a fish filet sandwich and I went to the park with the kids, pushed them on the swing, ran around the track and danced all night (and drank) until one in the morning. Is that the recipe to weight loss?
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
Midway in to Month Two
Ok...So...I'm not doing so good. I must appear to be taking this thing as a joke. I'm not. Although the tears, despair and frustration or commitment may not be getting properly expressed in my blog, I am really going thru it.
This week I did nothing to follow thru on my commitment to weight loss. I admit that. I've been wrapped up in making a great birthday for my little girl and I was successful. She had a great weekend. And I...am back up to 249 pounds. One pound shy of my starting weight. I realize how bad this looks. I only had one piece of cake, but I had full calorie soda, I ate too much food, and even though I exercised once this week. It was not enough.
At this point I'm supposed to be 15 pounds lighter to be on schedule. I'm only 1 pound lighter. So I'm rededicating myself to this endeavor. I'm going to do more and do better. The new plan is not to take it so light. I was losing pounds just by not eating or just by not eating a lot of fattening things, and occasionally working out. I have to drink much more water and do much more work outs. I can't just take the week off because my "aunt flow" is in town. I gotta keep chugging. I can do this! I will! I will. I will.
I'm gonna buy a new ball for the sit ups, buy another workout tape, do P90x. I can do this. I will. You are gonna be so proud of me. So proud.
This week I did nothing to follow thru on my commitment to weight loss. I admit that. I've been wrapped up in making a great birthday for my little girl and I was successful. She had a great weekend. And I...am back up to 249 pounds. One pound shy of my starting weight. I realize how bad this looks. I only had one piece of cake, but I had full calorie soda, I ate too much food, and even though I exercised once this week. It was not enough.
At this point I'm supposed to be 15 pounds lighter to be on schedule. I'm only 1 pound lighter. So I'm rededicating myself to this endeavor. I'm going to do more and do better. The new plan is not to take it so light. I was losing pounds just by not eating or just by not eating a lot of fattening things, and occasionally working out. I have to drink much more water and do much more work outs. I can't just take the week off because my "aunt flow" is in town. I gotta keep chugging. I can do this! I will! I will. I will.
I'm gonna buy a new ball for the sit ups, buy another workout tape, do P90x. I can do this. I will. You are gonna be so proud of me. So proud.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Month two, Day eight...boy!
Boy! This shit is hard. I was in a bad place for a minute. I was down to 245, went out to a friends house for a get together and was backup two pounds. Every little thing HURTS this weight loss thing. I have to be so careful. I'm back down to 245.
I'm so mad. By this time in my time line I imagined I'd be down ten pounds and well in to this month's weight loss. Instead I am only half way to last month's goal. AND there is no comfort in sight. It's Valentine's Day Week so we're having a "Date". They'll be dancing and dinners and movies and drinks...lots of drinks. :-) All of which is great and I'm excited for that BUT that's a hinderance to my weight loss. I can't keep going up five and down five for the next six months I need to see PROGRESS. So I will exercise this week but I expect it to be a total wash and next week to be right back at it hard.
I haven't exercised much. I did on thurs then went out and ate too much then friday was a relax day and sat was a birthday party, and sun was the superbowl, so...I been busy but today I'm ready to hit the treadmill.
Starting Weight: 250 Pounds
Weight Now: 245 Pounds
I'm so mad. By this time in my time line I imagined I'd be down ten pounds and well in to this month's weight loss. Instead I am only half way to last month's goal. AND there is no comfort in sight. It's Valentine's Day Week so we're having a "Date". They'll be dancing and dinners and movies and drinks...lots of drinks. :-) All of which is great and I'm excited for that BUT that's a hinderance to my weight loss. I can't keep going up five and down five for the next six months I need to see PROGRESS. So I will exercise this week but I expect it to be a total wash and next week to be right back at it hard.
I haven't exercised much. I did on thurs then went out and ate too much then friday was a relax day and sat was a birthday party, and sun was the superbowl, so...I been busy but today I'm ready to hit the treadmill.
Starting Weight: 250 Pounds
Weight Now: 245 Pounds
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Awww Schucks!
So I haven't written in a few days. I've been all over the globe with my emotions and I really need to re-group...again. It's not good to write in this condition if other people are going to see it because it turns in to one big ramble, but here it goes:
I was broke. I had no money. The house was bare and I wasn't sure I was gonna be able to pay the rent. I was depressed and frustrated. I'd been drinking a lot. I had to get a pay day loan to make the rent and my mother sent me money to get by until pay day. I bought some essentials for the house and that was gone and it was still a week until payday. I was thinking on the bright side. "There's nothing to eat." I woke up Thursday with renewed vigor. I was frustrated that I haven't been getting any weight off, so I planned to work out three times that day. I was at 245 and desperately wanted to see 240. I got on the treadmill first thing in the morning and did my 30 minute workout, then walked for another half hour, then lifted weights. I felt good. I felt strong. I felt in control and disciplined. I had planned to work out some more later on in the day, but a friend called, she was feeling lonely and was inviting the whole family over for dinner. How could I refuse. Long story short, I ate...and ate. And was two pounds heavier the next day. I'm sure the beer didn't help. Damn Food!
I'll recover and return soon. Promise.
I was broke. I had no money. The house was bare and I wasn't sure I was gonna be able to pay the rent. I was depressed and frustrated. I'd been drinking a lot. I had to get a pay day loan to make the rent and my mother sent me money to get by until pay day. I bought some essentials for the house and that was gone and it was still a week until payday. I was thinking on the bright side. "There's nothing to eat." I woke up Thursday with renewed vigor. I was frustrated that I haven't been getting any weight off, so I planned to work out three times that day. I was at 245 and desperately wanted to see 240. I got on the treadmill first thing in the morning and did my 30 minute workout, then walked for another half hour, then lifted weights. I felt good. I felt strong. I felt in control and disciplined. I had planned to work out some more later on in the day, but a friend called, she was feeling lonely and was inviting the whole family over for dinner. How could I refuse. Long story short, I ate...and ate. And was two pounds heavier the next day. I'm sure the beer didn't help. Damn Food!
I'll recover and return soon. Promise.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Guilt or Punishment...just might work.
So I saw 245 again today. Feels good just gotta keep going. Didn't workout again yesterday. I guess I do have to be punished...or guilted in to exercise. Well, I'll walk later...maybe.
Starting Weight: 250 Pounds
Weight Now: 245 Pounds
Workout Yesterday: None
Food Diary: two turkey hotdogs, a chicken breast, burger and fries ( I know! I know!)
Starting Weight: 250 Pounds
Weight Now: 245 Pounds
Workout Yesterday: None
Food Diary: two turkey hotdogs, a chicken breast, burger and fries ( I know! I know!)
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Exercise by Guilt
My husband says to me yesterday, "You need a penalty". "A what?", I ask him. "A penalty, a punishment for not exercising".
Now as you can imagine, this conversation is not going to go well, not if you know me, because all I hear is: "Your lazy, fat, ass has been sliding by for years only doing what you want when you want and now if you are not gonna do what you promised I think you should be punished".
Now I won't tell you he went on, in typical male fashion, to "jokingly" suggest my "punishment" be some type of twisted, painful, sexual favor, which I did not find funny, since I was already pretty insulted. We went on to finish that conversation where I explained I don't appreciate the idea of torture and he went on to explain that he was joking but nothing motivates me, and I need to get started. I need to get on the ball.
After I finished sulking (this morning), I realize that my success in this endeavor is important to him, and possibly important to our marriage. He is probably tired of having a pretty but fat wife. He probably doesn't know how to say that to me without me trying to castrate him. So last night I exercised, but I was mad about it because I hadn't felt like I did it because I wanted to or needed to. I did it because he guilted me in to it. It was 9:30 at night and I wouldn't have if it wasn't for him. But I couldn't let him come home and find that I didn't do again what I've been promising.
So last night, I didn't have any drinks ,which I do often, and I don't list it on my food journal cause I don't need you judging me. :-) I didn't have any ice cream...and I wasn't a pound lighter this morning. Now that just made me mad. There seems to be not direct corelation between exercising and losing weight. What's that about? I've seen results from not eating late and from eating well and even from getting enough sleep but not so much from exercise. Shouldn't that produce immediate results?
I give up...and just keep going. I'm off to exercise.
Starting Weight: 250 Pounds
Weight Now: 246.4 Pounds
Workout: 30 minutes on the treadmill (program 1)
Food Diary: Spaghetti for dinner, chicken and a big salad for lunch.
Now as you can imagine, this conversation is not going to go well, not if you know me, because all I hear is: "Your lazy, fat, ass has been sliding by for years only doing what you want when you want and now if you are not gonna do what you promised I think you should be punished".
Now I won't tell you he went on, in typical male fashion, to "jokingly" suggest my "punishment" be some type of twisted, painful, sexual favor, which I did not find funny, since I was already pretty insulted. We went on to finish that conversation where I explained I don't appreciate the idea of torture and he went on to explain that he was joking but nothing motivates me, and I need to get started. I need to get on the ball.
After I finished sulking (this morning), I realize that my success in this endeavor is important to him, and possibly important to our marriage. He is probably tired of having a pretty but fat wife. He probably doesn't know how to say that to me without me trying to castrate him. So last night I exercised, but I was mad about it because I hadn't felt like I did it because I wanted to or needed to. I did it because he guilted me in to it. It was 9:30 at night and I wouldn't have if it wasn't for him. But I couldn't let him come home and find that I didn't do again what I've been promising.
So last night, I didn't have any drinks ,which I do often, and I don't list it on my food journal cause I don't need you judging me. :-) I didn't have any ice cream...and I wasn't a pound lighter this morning. Now that just made me mad. There seems to be not direct corelation between exercising and losing weight. What's that about? I've seen results from not eating late and from eating well and even from getting enough sleep but not so much from exercise. Shouldn't that produce immediate results?
I give up...and just keep going. I'm off to exercise.
Starting Weight: 250 Pounds
Weight Now: 246.4 Pounds
Workout: 30 minutes on the treadmill (program 1)
Food Diary: Spaghetti for dinner, chicken and a big salad for lunch.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Day One - Month Two
It's February 1st, it's a new day and a new month. Today is new and it will be different. Today I will exercise. Today I will work out for a full half hour! Don't want to push myself too hard. I still have laundry, mopping, dishes, and vacuuming to do. But today I will exercise... and will do it for the next four days. Monday thru Friday, I'm challenging myself ...again. I failed before but I won't this time and the work will be evident. Wish me luck.
...and no more ice cream this week. Promise.
Starting Weight: 250 Pounds
Weight Now: 246.4 Pounds
Workout Yesterday: None
Food Diary: Pasta, three servings, small amounts, water, and...three Haagen Dagz ice cream bars. Tomorrow is another day.
...and no more ice cream this week. Promise.
Starting Weight: 250 Pounds
Weight Now: 246.4 Pounds
Workout Yesterday: None
Food Diary: Pasta, three servings, small amounts, water, and...three Haagen Dagz ice cream bars. Tomorrow is another day.
I got one comment!
So... I got some encouraging words today. That was AWESOME! Thank you whoever you are. :-) I needed that. I'm only half way to my month one goal and it's already month two! But I'm not discouraged. I know what I'm doing wrong and I can fix it. I can change. I will slip up...like with those three haagen dagz ice cream bars I had last night BUT I can get back on track! So I'm focused and rejuvenated. Rejuvenated by your words, so please don't hesitate, if you are reading, please comment. It helps to know my words are not just floating out in the universe.
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