Exercise by Guilt

My husband says to me yesterday, "You need a penalty". "A what?", I ask him. "A penalty, a punishment for not exercising".

Now as you can imagine, this conversation is not going to go well, not if you know me, because all I hear is: "Your lazy, fat, ass has been sliding by for years only doing what you want when you want and now if you are not gonna do what you promised I think you should be punished".

Now I won't tell you he went on, in typical male fashion, to "jokingly" suggest my "punishment" be some type of twisted, painful, sexual favor, which I did not find funny, since I was already pretty insulted. We went on to finish that conversation where I explained I don't appreciate the idea of torture and he went on to explain that he was joking but nothing motivates me, and I need to get started. I need to get on the ball.

After I finished sulking (this morning), I realize that my success in this endeavor is important to him, and possibly important to our marriage. He is probably tired of having a pretty but fat wife. He probably doesn't know how to say that to me without me trying to castrate him. So last night I exercised, but I was mad about it because I hadn't felt like I did it because I wanted to or needed to. I did it because he guilted me in to it. It was 9:30 at night and I wouldn't have if it wasn't for him. But I couldn't let him come home and find that I didn't do again what I've been  promising.

So last night, I didn't have any drinks ,which I do often, and I don't list it on my food journal cause I don't need you judging me. :-) I didn't have any ice cream...and I wasn't a pound lighter this morning. Now that just made me mad. There seems to be not direct corelation between exercising and losing weight. What's that about? I've seen results from not eating late and from eating well and even from getting enough sleep but not so much from exercise. Shouldn't that produce immediate results?

I give up...and just keep going. I'm off to exercise.

Starting Weight: 250 Pounds
Weight Now: 246.4 Pounds

Workout: 30 minutes on the treadmill (program 1)

Food Diary: Spaghetti for dinner, chicken and a big salad for lunch.

Day One - Month Two

It's February 1st, it's a new day and a new month. Today is new and it will be different. Today I will exercise. Today I will work out for a full half hour! Don't want to push myself too hard. I still have laundry, mopping, dishes, and vacuuming to do. But today I will exercise... and will do it for the next four days. Monday thru Friday, I'm challenging myself ...again. I failed before but I won't this time and the work will be evident. Wish me luck.

...and no more ice cream this week. Promise.

Starting Weight: 250 Pounds
Weight Now: 246.4 Pounds

Workout Yesterday: None

Food Diary: Pasta, three servings, small amounts, water, and...three Haagen Dagz ice cream bars. Tomorrow is another day.

Well...let's recap the month.

Well...its been 29 days into my weight loss journey and its been hard. I had a bad period and a bout of depression and well... just really poor discipline, and choices. I'm at 247 pounds. I've been as low as 7 pounds down this month, but right now I'm only 3 pounds down.

I gave up beer, but I haven't been exercising consistently. I've only made it to bed at a decent hour a few times this month. I'm not a much of a junk food eater but I've had more than my share of fast food this month. And basically I've been weak and indulgent, which is my problem in the first place. I've got to get more on the ball. I've been drinking a lot too. And that's not helping. I like to party. But I guess I have to wait to celebrate until I reach my goal weight in 6, I mean 5 months.

I'm gonna regroup...get right in the head...and pick up where I left off a couple weeks ago. I can do this.  Stay tuned.

Starting Weight: 250 Pounds
Weight Now:     247 Pounds