Day 23

Tonight, I've been drinking so forgive my rambling. I'm really in a state this evening. This is like my food diary only not about food. More about feelings and insight. The type of insight that only comes after you have 4 or 5 drinks. Ok, I've only had three but I plan to stick it out until I make it to 4...or 5.
I'm a horrible human being. I say that I'm no couch potato, turn off cable (its too damn expensive anyway) but when I do...I spend 7 hours in front of the computer screen trying to catch up on my favorite shows (Desperate Housewives, Heroes, Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice). I'm a horrible person, even worse a horrible mother. What good mother could even pull that off? I spent no time with my kids today...or yesterday. I was good about missing the shows for a week...even two then I just had to see them, all in one day even! I'm sick. This has to be an illness. And somewhere before the realization of just how sick an individual I have to be to do that has even hit me, what do I decide to do????? BAKE COOKIES!!!!! Its like eating my feelings was a thought before it was even a thought. Now!!!!!! 12 cookies later and three drinks, I might add, I'm feeling like a piece of shit person, weight loss loser, mother, and wife...oh yeah, did I mention that I did no cleaning today. A family of four must clean every day, even if its just the dishes. I didn't even do that!!! Oh, Yeah! ...and they had hot dogs for dinner...again. I'm the world's worst mother and I suck.

...to my credit I did go on a hike with my kids up a mountain side,  which they have been dying to do, but to my discredit it was after three shows, after which I passed out for a 20 minute nap then watched two more shows while they went splash splash.

...am I the world's worst mother? ...and weight loss loser? This morning I was 243! Down an official 6 pounds. then I go and do this...good luck to me tomorrow morning. I have 7 days to lose 4 pounds or I'm already off schedule. I can't afford that.  Not one month in. I know I haven't been trying that hard but I thought the first 10 would be easy. This sucks. Nothing is easy!!!!!

Starting Weight:  250 Pounds
Weight Now:     234 Pounds

Food Diary: I've been eating Chili all week ( just for the last three days). It has its drawbacks and benefits. Today I'm back on to salads.

Workouts: Hike up hill - 30 minutes. I couldn't breathe most of the way up the hill so I hope that counted as a work out.